I have never been a big fan of New Year’s Eve. Though it is usually viewed as a holiday of reflection, hope, fun, and looking forward, I find it to always be lackluster and a bit disappointing. I usually find myself alone, whether literally or mentally, and a negative mood is usually my only semblance of a companion. Here are a few reflections…read them if you will, otherwise have a happy New Year’s Eve doing something more productive and joyful.
Resolutions first and foremost require a person to resolve. To resolve is to make a definite and firm decision to do something. Lists are made, plans are drawn. My health will improve, I will work out every morning, I will not drink/smoke/whatever as much, I will clean my house more often, I will make it to my child’s sporting events, I will volunteer to always walk the dog….on and on and on it goes.
Me, I hate resolutions. I have never, ever been good at making a resolute decision to do something and then actually see it through. I tend to be a wishy-washy person who talks the talk but does not walk the walk.
New Years Eve Parties:
Hah. Parties. Yeah. I am not one who often (or, you know, ever) gets invited to gatherings, so therefore I often find myself at home on this horrid holiday. While other people go out and celebrate, get drunk, blow their noisemakers, and get a kiss at midnight, I sit at home doing the same mundane things that I usually would do on any weeknight. When I was younger I would spend New Year’s Eve sitting up until midnight by myself, putting together a puzzle. Now that I’m older, I tend to reminisce on all of the fun times I had in college going out and letting go. I don’t miss the getting drunk. No, no. It’s the release of inhibitions that I crave. I miss the times when I could sing as loud as I pleased, laugh full and long, and walk through the brisk winter air with best friends. No judgements, no regrets. I miss laughing like that.
I wish that I could be out tonight with friends. I wish that I had friends that were close enough, both distance-wise and emotionally, to actually go out with.
Ah, well. I suppose I shall party by myself. Watching Game of Thrones, eating brownies, and drinking lots of wine. Will I stay up until midnight? Not quite sure yet.
Reflection on the Year Past (2014):
Work was…work. Nothing exciting but a minuscule raise. Lots of people retired, quit, or moved on to new opportunities. I would like to remain where I am for now. I have had 4 full time jobs and 1 part time since I graduated college 3 1/2 years ago. I am ready to stay with one company for at least a couple of years. It will be a nice feeling when I actually hit the 2-year mark next April. I wouldn’t say I am fully happy with where I am at, but I can’t really see anything better being out there right now, and I am tired of starting over and re-establishing myself.
A job with more pay and ultimately, more end of day HAPPINESS would be lovely. Unfortunately, I am not at that point yet. I am working complacently and merely trying to pay the bills.
I did open an Etsy shop this fall, which has been a lot of fun. I was a bit overwhelmed with orders up until Christmas. I feel that I am prepared with a lot more knowledge on how to handle things next year. As my product will be going out of season soon, I am hoping to come up with some more creative ideas on what I can sell throughout spring and summer (as long as my “real” job allows me time). I have enjoyed taking the time to be creative, and the fact that people are enjoying what I am making is eye-opening and awesome. It is a simple thing, but it makes me happy and keeps me sane.
Friends seem to have somewhat disintegrated this past year, which is tragic, but unfortunately expected. I apparently am not meant to keep close friends, but rather lose them all to distance and utter lack of communication. Every time I lose a new friend because of this, I become a little more sad and a little more bitter. It is a depressing feeling to realize that I am not worth the time for someone else to reach out to, and I am so tired of trying to make all the effort myself. Sure, people change and move on. I can accept that, but I will not find any comfort in that fact.
I wish you and yours a happy and productive new year. Be sure to read lots of good books. If one thing I have found to be true as the North star, it is this: books are indeed the quietest and most constant of friends.