New Year’s Eve 2014

I have never been a big fan of New Year’s Eve.  Though it is usually viewed as a holiday of reflection, hope, fun, and looking forward, I find it to always be lackluster and a bit disappointing.  I usually find myself alone, whether literally or mentally, and a negative mood is usually my only semblance of a companion.  Here are a few reflections…read them if you will, otherwise have a happy New Year’s Eve doing something more productive and joyful.

Resolutions:

Resolutions first and foremost require a person to resolve.  To resolve is to make a definite and firm decision to do something.  Lists are made, plans are drawn.  My health will improve, I will work out every morning, I will not drink/smoke/whatever as much, I will clean my house more often, I will make it to my child’s sporting events, I will volunteer to always walk the dog….on and on and on it goes.

Me, I hate resolutions.  I have never, ever been good at making a resolute decision to do something and then actually see it through.  I tend to be a wishy-washy person who talks the talk but does not walk the walk.

New Years Eve Parties:

Hah.  Parties.  Yeah.  I am not one who often (or, you know, ever) gets invited to gatherings, so therefore I often find myself at home on this horrid holiday.  While other people go out and celebrate, get drunk, blow their noisemakers, and get a kiss at midnight, I sit at home doing the same mundane things that I usually would do on any weeknight.  When I was younger I would spend New Year’s Eve sitting up until midnight by myself, putting together a puzzle.  Now that I’m older, I tend to reminisce on all of the fun times I had in college going out and letting go.  I don’t miss the getting drunk.  No, no.  It’s the release of inhibitions that I crave.  I miss the times when I could sing as loud as I pleased, laugh full and long, and walk through the brisk winter air with best friends.  No judgements, no regrets.  I miss laughing like that.

I wish that I could be out tonight with friends.  I wish that I had friends that were close enough, both distance-wise and emotionally, to actually go out with.

Ah, well.  I suppose I shall party by myself.  Watching Game of Thrones, eating brownies, and drinking lots of wine.  Will I stay up until midnight?  Not quite sure yet.

Reflection on the Year Past (2014):

Work was…work.  Nothing exciting but a minuscule raise.  Lots of people retired, quit, or moved on to new opportunities.  I would like to remain where I am for now.  I have had 4 full time jobs and 1 part time since I graduated college 3 1/2 years ago.  I am ready to stay with one company for at least a couple of years.  It will be a nice feeling when I actually hit the 2-year mark next April.  I wouldn’t say I am fully happy with where I am at, but I can’t really see anything better being out there right now, and I am tired of starting over and re-establishing myself.

A job with more pay and ultimately, more end of day HAPPINESS would be lovely.  Unfortunately, I am not at that point yet.  I am working complacently and merely trying to pay the bills.

I did open an Etsy shop this fall, which has been a lot of fun.  I was a bit overwhelmed with orders up until Christmas.  I feel that I am prepared with a lot more knowledge on how to handle things next year.  As my product will be going out of season soon, I am hoping to come up with some more creative ideas on what I can sell throughout spring and summer (as long as my “real” job allows me time).  I have enjoyed taking the time to be creative, and the fact that people are enjoying what I am making is eye-opening and awesome.  It is a simple thing, but it makes me happy and keeps me sane.

Friends seem to have somewhat disintegrated this past year, which is tragic, but unfortunately expected.  I apparently am not meant to keep close friends, but rather lose them all to distance and utter lack of communication.  Every time I lose a new friend because of this, I become a little more sad and a little more bitter.  It is a depressing feeling to realize that I am not worth the time for someone else to reach out to, and I am so tired of trying to make all the effort myself.  Sure, people change and move on.  I can accept that, but I will not find any comfort in that fact.

I wish you and yours a happy and productive new year.  Be sure to read lots of good books.  If one thing I have found to be true as the North star, it is this: books are indeed the quietest and most constant of friends.

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